“Pain and suffering are to be avoided at all costs.” That is your brain speaking and it’s telling you in a demanding tone that you have likely gone too far and survival is becoming less likely. Understanding our mind’s survival instinct is the beginning of overcoming it. Once we become aware of this stopping force, not only in our lives but in others’ as well, we can apply a system override, expand our limits and become more effective human beings.
Where Do We Begin
Throughout your day you will be faced with options. On one side of the equation you will be given a choice of relative ease—no trouble or possible conflicts here—and there will be the road less traveled. Shrouded in mystery and possible extinction, the painful and more arduous option could be damaging to your ego, to your body, to your precious efficiency at work and to your health in general. I’m going to give you another type of warning message: Choosing the path of least resistance on a regular basis will get you nowhere.
Since this hardship option is not chosen by many humans have developed signposts in an attempt of accepting and downplaying our weak nature. “Don’t work too hard!” A co-worker mentions as he clocks out a few minutes early. “This is the way we’ve always done it,” mentions your department head as everyone blindly sticks to a system that is never questioned. “That last rep was too much, better rack the weight and go home.” This last thought that many gym goers have is one I will expand on for this article.
You Always Have One More Rep
Remember this one simple truth when entering the last set scheme of your lifts: Your mind is going to try and stop you from completing the mission. I know this is somewhat hard to believe, and I forget this regularly, but our mind is designed to get us away from our physical culture alive and well (never push too much); it’s also designed to fill our bellies to avoid starvation (overeat) and to keep our skin free of open wounds (become soft snowflakes); besides, we could die from an open wound by getting some terrible disease we have no cure for.
Alas, that survival instinct needs to be toughened up. In today’s safe, fast-paced world you can be sure that the mind hasn’t really caught up with what is going on. Our bodies and minds are more or less still genetically gifted at thinking the world is filled with possible danger and should keep us out of harm’s grasp. When you go to the gym you are essentially entering a cage filled with sharp and heavy objects, not to mention other beasts who could potentially cause us, or our ego, harm. “Better to be safe and call it good for today.” So you make it out safely and go home, never utilizing your enormous capacity for athleticism.
The reality of having one last rep is easy to remember if you regularly do singles. That is, if you regularly perform one rep of a near maximum amount of weight at the end of a lifting scheme. For example, I will do 5 sets on the incline bench—2 first sets of warm up that get increasingly heavier, and 3 “working” sets with the same weight. My form is solid throughout and doesn’t break down far enough to look as though I’m giving 100%. But then in order to make progress I will push myself a little harder a few times a month. I load the bar up with a new weight and push out 1 to 3 reps and I do this until complete and utter exhaustion. This doesn’t happen everyday, but enough to recover and keep the training block going strong.
A new weight looks a little scary sometimes. “hmm, I don’t have a spotter and I’ve never lifted this much.” If you perform this single, double or triple correctly you won’t need a spotter, and let’s face it if you always wait for a spotter then chances are you have been lifting in a “safe” zone for too long. Go for it. Try and lift that heavy ass weight and see what it feels like. Remember your form and technique for the given move, but try to not be so afraid to push through to new numbers. You are already very warmed up and need to do this. “Why do I need to do this?” Because this is the moment your survival instinct gets schooled.
Retraining Our Survival Instinct
Let’s expand from the gym concept for a moment and spread this idea of pushing to new boundaries into other areas of life. If we keep going through life with the same momentum then we aren’t going to learn anything outside our normal wheelhouse. Moving faster, taking chances and adding some pressure to our lives can be just the training we need to grow. Just like a muscle needs progressive overload—a heavier weight lifted over time—our lives need amping up in order to get rid of our current safe zone and widen the boundaries.
You can see this easily in children; actually you can spot weaknesses in others much more than in ourselves. Often times children play dumb in order for you to help them. It isn’t so much a form of manipulation so they can dominate, it is a way for their safe zone to stay exactly where it is, no bigger or smaller perimeter . Their mind asks the question as it’s time to put their shoes on, “We aren’t going to make any CHANGES are we??” And so out comes, “Can you tie my shoes?” The child is beginning to listen to signals sent in from their own survival instinct. “Let’s keep it normal,” says the mind, “they did it yesterday so they can today as well.”
Watch this behavior and stop it when it comes. You not being there for the child will give it immediate motive to grow by performing simple tasks alone. Learning to tie our shoes was only the beginning and it is not all that different from full-grown adult tasks. How many times have you thought, “hmm, maybe my spouse can do that.” Or did you think a coworker could do this new project, or perhaps your boss. “They’re more qualified than me.” You won’t grow at all or increase your limits, but at least you won’t get hurt, frustrated or disappointed, right?
Staying Safe
Living safely is pretty easy. You won’t notice as time goes on but when life fits into a rhythm it feels good, it feels doable. Actually, try to remember the last time you or someone said, “We’ve gotten into a routine again and everything is better.” Right, the routine is going to save you. The routine is safe and predictable. Growing as a person, uplifting and refining our character, or body or diet—that takes uncomfortable work that is somewhat mysterious at first, and it can be scary. You may think that just because you are an adult the getting fearful or scared is no longer a factor, but look closely and you can notice the little avoidance tactics you’ve taken as an adult.
How about one we can all find in our lives: not approaching our coworker/spouse/friend/family to resolve that last issue. Why are we cautious to approach someone and attempt to share how the last interaction made us feel? Because it’s new and there could be a chance we get hurt, and remember that survival instinct is against pain—physical and mental. Our ego can be bruised if what we set out to accomplish doesn’t work. Perhaps we look at ourselves as less intelligent or versed in a given subject then we previously thought. So, is it better to not tempt the unknown and just be safe? You have to decide if you are truly making progress and feel fulfilled in your comfort zone. I know I’m not fulfilled in the gym if the weight stays the same for too long, and I’m mentally disturbed by those nagging thoughts of that guy I’m trying to avoid at work.
Sidebar: Here’s a tip that people, weak-natured character’s mostly, don’t often figure out on their own: humility is stronger than brute force. I struggle with this all the time. I end up wanting my physical strength to somehow make people respect me—but people don’t respect natures that try to dominate them. Next time you approach the situation with humility the other person will likely bend as well and be open to resolve a past upset. Make sure you do it quickly. Allowing too much time to pass and there could be a missed opportunity. If you are strong enough in character and you have yourself in a solid position in life then there’s no reason you can’t face someone, anyone.
The Pain of A New Weight
Back to the weights…I recently attempted to deadlift close to 400lbs. I hadn’t broken away from my routine and was asked by a friend about my max deadlift. Not knowing left me in awe and I resolved to find out on my next deadlift session.
The day came around and it was time to answer that question, how much could I lift? As I loaded the bar I honestly felt a little intimidated. “Am I going to tear a muscle?” I thought as I filled the bar to its capacity. The survival instinct had kicked in already and I hadn’t even gotten into position yet—and I’m someone who doesn’t shy away from hardship. All of our minds work the same and we all need reminders to go past this warning message, I’m not exempt from this rule. Over time my gym training had gotten soft, luckily my friend was around to poke and prod me into self-discovery. That is an example of positive masculinity and something we all need to embrace in order to grow healthily as men.
The moment of truth came and I felt sufficiently syked enough—it was all or nothing. I wrapped my fingers around the cold bar and felt its normal jagged imprinted steel of a stamped pattern of grip. Feeling the heaviness of the weight on the earth my mind went blank. My normal “safe” amount was only a little more than 250lbs and I was now about to almost double it. I got into position and lifted. After getting a few inches off the ground I could feel every muscle in my body begin to heat up as if I was on fire from the inside out. The sensation was incredible. The weight dropped as quickly as it went up: I failed.
The weight did not get past my knees when the bar began to slowly head towards the earth from where it came. I could not lift the weight I set out to do but I felt amazing. Just the sheer attempt—and the fact that I could actually get it partially off the ground—was a rush that lasted throughout the entire day. But I didn’t stop just because the first attempt failed. I now knew my limits for the time being and worked backwards. Dropping the weight down to 350lbs was easily lifted and a new PR was set, almost a hundred pounds heavier than previously recorded.
New Ground
I couldn’t lift the first attempt at near-400lbs, so what? If I had never tried how would I have been able to succeed at the second attempt just 50lbs shy? I could have stayed at the same weight in the same rep range for weeks or months without going into unknown limits. The very act of me failing or succeeding wasn’t even the greatest point of the lesson—I attempted something new and learned more from trying.
This rush of new information can carry over to other aspects of our lives and new ground can be taken. A war is won by holding new ground over small chunks of time. First a platoon takes an area, establishes itself and then looks for the next target and moves on. Little by little an army can invade a country by gaining new ground and hopefully never having to go backwards to a stronger fort. The same is true for us as individuals. Our strength lies in our potentiality, not our current successes. It isn’t our victory that always defines us but our sheer attempt at it. Those souls who reach out into the mysterious will come out with more knowledge even when failing. Someone who never tries at all, in an effort to maintain a safe and routine lifestyle, will stay in the same place you last saw them.
We have to win our battles over time and not expect victory overnight. You can be sure I will lift that 400lbs soon enough, but only because I tried it—I know it can be done. With a little more effort in training close to those numbers and some variation in my sets and reps I can train safely while breaking new ground, and I can retrain my mind to not fear the same situation. Some amount of caution is good and lifting a weight that is obnoxiously out of my ability is just sheer ignorance that will lead to injury, but we can safely push past our limits with small jumps. Common sense still applies.
The child who attempts to tie their own shoes, even if only to have them unravel a few feet into their steps, begins to understand the dynamic nature of the laces. Then they understand the nature of their whole shoe, then their foot and then into the complex nature of their activity—all because they tried.
I ask that you deeply reflect on this and inspect all the areas of your life that can be taken a little farther than what feels safe. That discipline will breed freedom because you will end up knowing more. Freedom to have more time in the morning will come from the discipline of waking up a little earlier. Freedom to show up to work with less stress will come from having more time to get ready in the morning. Freedom of mental clarity will come from a less stressful mind and the list goes on and on. The little part of you that is unsure of waking up early or eating less sugar or training regularly, that instinct will grow just as you do. But it stays small, it stays safe and routine, it goes nowhere until you break the pain threshold and experience a temporary, uncomfortable and unpleasant discipline. Freedom is the result.
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